Breathing Underwater
by NoPowerInThe'VerseCanStopMe
Summary: Myka can't breathe underwater.


Set mostly post Reset, but also Emily Lake, Stand and A New Hope. Spoilers for everything before and inbetween. Helena/Myka-centric. Angsty. Breathing Underwater by Metric. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own it. If I did, there would be more HG and she would have lots of sexy time with a certain curly haired agent…

* * *

_I'm the blade_

_You're the knife_

_I'm the weight  
You're the kite  
They were right when they said  
We were breathing underwater  
Out of place all the time  
In a world that wasn't mine to take_

The minute she arrived back at the bed and breakfast from Yellowstone, Myka began packing her bags. She couldn't bear to be in a place where every second would remind her of Helena. Of Helena's betrayal. She didn't know where she was going, only that she was going, had to go. She barely even passed a thought at her coworkers. They were all capable, hardworking people. They would be fine without her. She was obviously a liability anyway if she could be fooled that easily.

_I'll wait  
Is this my life?  
Am I breathing underwater?  
Is this my life?  
Am I breathing underwater?_

The bookstore where she'd spent her childhood days didn't feel like home anymore. As Myka poured through book after book and helped the patrons, she no longer felt satisfaction. Sometimes she'd pass the once familiar H.G. Wells section and feel as though she was drowning. Words that had once held so much comfort for her now only held reminders.

_I'm the blade  
You're the knife  
I'm the weight  
You're the kite  
They were right when they said we should never meet our heroes  
When they bowed at their feet, in the end it wasn't me_

"I wish I had never met H.G. Wells." As soon as the thought crossed Myka's mind, she knew it wasn't true. She knew the saying that you should never meet your heroes, and maybe sometimes it was true. Helena had betrayed her. She had lied and used her. But Myka felt more anger at herself for not noticing what was going on. H.G. Wells was every bit the brilliant inventor with razor sharp with that Myka had imagined all those years. However, what she failed to imagine was that H.G. Wells was a broken woman who had lost the most important person in her life. Helena was so much more than a genius writer and inventor. She was human, she was fallible, she was hurting. And Myka never saw it. A hundred years in bronze and it was still as though she'd just lost Christina. Perhaps that pain never went away, Myka thought.  
_  
Is this my life?  
Am I breathing underwater?  
Is this my life?  
Am I breathing underwater?_

The day Mrs. Frederic had shown up with Helena in the black orb had been just like every other day at the store. Myka had woken early, unable to sleep because every time she closed her eyes, she saw Helena holding that gun to her head, her own voice daring Helena to pull the trigger, every time, Helena did.

Myka had been calm. Because Myka was always calm. She listened while Mrs. Frederic explained that Helena's consciousness was being stored in the orb as punishment. That it was, indeed, Helena, just sans corporeal form.

_Nights are days  
We'll beat a path through the mirrored maze  
I can see the end  
But it hasn't happened yet  
I can see the end  
But it hasn't happened yet_

Myka listened while Helena talked to her. Myka listened when Helena apologized. She saw the pain in Helena's eyes now. She saw the hurt and sorrow she should have seen before. She wished she'd seen it sooner. But Helena was good at hiding. She always had been. She'd fooled everyone. Except for Artie, but even if she'd saved his life ten times, Artie would have still been suspicious.

Myka wanted to understand. She tried so hard. And she did, to an extent. But she couldn't take Helena's pain. She'd lost Sam, but Helena had lost her only daughter. The only person Helena couldn't live without at the time. And she had to live without her. A hundred years in bronze and the pain had only grown and darkened her heart. But she still had a heart. And the light Helena saw in Myka gave her hope.

Mrs. Frederic had returned far too soon. Asking Myka if she was ready to return.

_Is this my life?  
Am I breathing underwater?  
Is this my life?  
Am I breathing underwater?_

Myka knew she'd be dead without Helena. As she stood, tears streaming down her face as she watched Helena from inside the protective orb, she knew Helena had saved her life. In more ways than one. A year ago she'd pulled her out of her miserable depression at her parents bookstore, where she was drowning unnoticed. She tried to pretend she was breathing as she sank deeper and deeper. And now, she was sacrificing herself to save Myka.

_Am I breathing underwater?  
Am I breathing underwater?_

Myka couldn't live without Helena Grace Wells. That much was clear to her now. She was willing to go to hell and back for the astrolabe. She was even willing to break laws and use an artifact. There was no breathing underwater.


End file.
